This is satire – get over yourself.
In a newly released poll commissioned by the Johnson Favorite Press and Zata 2007, 84% of Jacksonians polled think Mayor Frank Melton’s heart condition is a fake.
In a non-randomly generated phone list comprised entirely of people thought to agree with the premise of the polling, the following touch tone poll was conducted.
“Hi. My name is Donna Madd, editor of the Johnson Favorite Press. Along with Zata 2007, we’re conducting a pseudo-scientific push poll of Jackson residents predisposed to hate Frank Melton. We would like to ask you the following questions. Please press the number of the statement you most agree with.
Question 1. Today, Frank Melton announced he has a heart condition that will require surgery. Which statement to you most agree with?
1. I didn’t know he had a heart.
2. I want Harvey Johnson back.
3. Good riddance.
4. I hope he dies on the operating table.
Question 2.
His “alleged” surgery is to happen in Texas. Which statement do you most agree with?
1. He should do the surgery in Jackson.
2. I want Harvey Johnson back.
3. This is a ploy to avoid prosecution.
4. I want Harvey Johnson back.
Question 3.
Frank Melton has embarked on a campaign to visit residents in their homes in the City of Jackson to better understand living conditions. Which of the following statements do you most agree with?
1. He is just out selling drugs.
2. I want Harvey Johnson back.
3. It is his fault that people in Jackson live in substandard housing.
4. Frank Melton should be in jail.
Question 4.
We want to learn a little more about you.
Press 1 if you have heard about the Jackson Free Press.
Press 2 if you have not and are a racist.
Thanks so much.”
Magnolia Tribune
