- Outdoor columnist Ben Smith says he grew up around men. Real men. But today, they are a dying breed.
I haven’t written a “soap box” article in a while and I don’t want you guys to think I’m losing my edginess, so here goes. I’m almost to that stage of life where I have to start worrying about boys. Not quite yet, but almost. And to be honest, it scares the ever-loving crap out of me, but probably not for the reasons you think. Look, I get it. I’ve got daughters and sooner or later they will start dating. That doesn’t scare me. And I’m not scared of them making the right choice of who they date. What really scares me is if there will be a real man left for them to date.
You can’t turn on the television without hearing the phrase, “toxic masculinity.” It’s everywhere you look. Toxic this, toxic that. I agree with one part of that phrase, and it’s not masculinity. I agree we have a toxic problem in America today. We have men that aren’t being men, and that’s toxic. Where’d they go? What happened along the way that feminized the men of our country? I’ve got a few theories.
I grew up around men. Real men. You’d hear guys say, “that’s a man’s man” when describing a masculine man. I’m not talking about some crude, beer drinking fool. I’m talking about a man that takes care of his business, looks the part, is slow to anger, and passionate about what he does. I’m talking about a man that loves his family but doesn’t have to wear matching t-shirts with his wife to prove it. He proves it through his actions. He proves it by getting up and going to work each day to provide. He proves it through disciplining his children when they need their butt whipped. He doesn’t have to make a Facebook post to show that he loves his family, they know it already.
So, where are these men at today? They’re around, but they are a dying breed. Hollywood and social media are working really hard to eliminate them, and we are letting them. Think about it. When is the last time you saw an actor that was a real man? These Hollywood “tough guys” of today with their spray on tans make me sick. Just neuter them already. And unfortunately, that’s what our young men of today have to look up to. And Lord at the personalities on social media! Grown men doing dances on friggin Tik-Tok. I remember Earl Pitts on the radio saying, “You know what makes me sick?” to open his segment each day. Well, you know what makes me sick? Seeing a grown man doing a Tik-Tok dance. It makes me so mad I want to shave a bobcat in a phone booth. Stop doing it.
And it’s not just the menfolk that are the problem. Ladies, this is gonna sting a little bit. I see it every single week. We’ve got mommas dressing their little boys up in lacy clothing talking about how cute they look. Mommas, little boys shouldn’t be wearing lace. Stop trying to make dolls out of them. Whether you realize it, or not, you’re raising little men. If you keep dressing them like a sissy, they’ll probably turn out to be one. Men aren’t meant to be feminized. I promise you; it won’t make them hate women when they grow up if you let them wear a pair of cowboy boots to church on Sunday. Let them be boys. Let them get dirty. When they scrape their knee, tell them to walk it off. If they eat a worm, they’ll either puke or poop it out later and be fine. Let them ride the dog and pretend they are in the rodeo. And as they get older, make them show you respect. Yes ma’am and no ma’am are easy to learn and will go a long way.
Dads, the next couple of parts are for you. You see, I’ve got three daughters, and I want to go to bed at night knowing your sons will take care of them when that time comes. I want to know if someone breaks into their house at night that your boy isn’t going to pee down his leg but is ready for the task at hand. I want to know if my daughter gets a flat on the way home that your son isn’t going to leave them on their own because he can’t change a tire. They’ll know how to do all of this themselves because I’ll teach them, but I feel like it’s a man’s responsibility to take care of it.
I also want to go to bed knowing that the man they choose for a partner knows how to love them. Dads, this is really where you come in. Your little boys are going to watch how you treat their momma. They are going to watch how you talk to her and how you show her affection. And that’s going to go a long way toward how they treat my daughters. So, choose your actions carefully. If you act like a man should in front of your sons, there’s a good chance they will grow up doing the same. Speak softly, be disciplined, stand firm for what’s right, look people in the eyes when you talk to them. These are all very simple principals for every man to embrace. A firm handshake will mean more than you realize.
Last, but most importantly: make sure they know Jesus. This is for both, mom and dad. If my girls ended up marrying some softy, it would be a lot easier to swallow if they have a relationship with Christ. And I’m not talking about this “Build a Jesus” version of our Savior. I’m talking about a true, biblical relationship and understanding. The roles of man and woman are quite clear in the Bible, and I can assure you that my daughters are going to understand those roles. Your son had better understand them, too. A relationship centered around faith in Jesus is what they are going to be looking for whether they realize it at first, or not. And I expect your sons to be in the same camp.
There you have it. That’s what scares me about young men today. I don’t care if your sons hunt and fish. I don’t care if they play sports. Yes, all of those things would be nice bonuses for me, but they aren’t what’s most important. The most important thing is I want your sons to be men.
Ben Smith
