- The church of today needs to recognize that all too many families are largely clueless about what needs to happen at home.
Everyone can agree on this: the future health of the Church depends on how well we teach (or disciple) the children.
But who is responsible for this – the family of the child, or the local church?
In a new study by the Barna Group titled “Children’s Ministry in a New Reality,” the first thing documented is that the vast majority of children’s ministry leaders (95%) say discipleship begins at home. But parents see things differently. About half of the parents queried (51%) expect the church to take the initiative, while the other half (49%) believe it’s the family’s primary responsibility.
And to complicate matters almost all parents feel themselves ill-equipped to teach necessary spiritual lessons that they suspect their children are learning at church (86%).
The study wants to use these findings as a launchpad for this truth: “If children’s ministry is going to be healthy, pastors must help both parents and their ministry leaders find common ground.”
The real problem, it would seem, is that a substantial gulf exists between parents who know what needs to happen with their children in the Christian pilgrimage and those who, frankly, do not. Children need lots of live language and books in their early formative years, a thorough knowledge of the stories of Scripture, biblical and theological catechesis, and a rich engagement of the Christian disciplines, community, service and celebrations.
All these practices should be the responsibility of the Christian parent in their home guiding their child in the faith. The most significant passage in the Bible on discipling in the home contains the Great Commandment (love God with all your heart, soul, might) before saying that “You shall teach them diligently to your children” – you and your children – not someone else. (Dt. 6:4-9)
But, to be completely honest, it is nice to have someone else. Even Jesus would have had the benefit of experiences with various communities at the Temple, the local synagogue and probably the synagogue school for the youngsters—to say nothing of the friends and family across the street and in the village. There was no outsourcing of discipleship to nearby friends, relatives, associates and neighbors but, even so, everybody sort of knew that “it takes a village.”
The church of today needs to recognize that all too many families are largely clueless about what needs to happen at home. So, the church has a responsibility to not just disciple individual children but also their parents, so they might learn how to disciple their own children.
But, says the Barna study, a third aspect of discipling children should not go overlooked: mentors. The presence of a caring adult spending time with a small handful of young teens can be lifechanging, as many local churches have discovered. Says Barna, “Kids who have the benefit of other spiritual mentors in their life are more engaged in Scripture, more connected to the church community, and more eager to live out their faith in everyday life.”
In short, Moms and Dads need to get a vision for their child’s life in Christ and develop a rigorous plan to ensure that vision unfolds. The local church needs to do precisely the same for these kids but also recognize that helping parents form the vision and plan is a necessary church expectation. And mentors are necessary who can offer perspective and a sharpening for the budding disciple to embrace the Great Commission.
Barna’s closing thoughts on the overarching concern: Keep God’s Word central. Keep reading, memorization and discussion at the forefront. Everyday life needs to be the focus—serving others, praying as a household, and applying Scripture in real situations. These emphases make the next generation spiritually resilient and actively involved in the life of Jesus beyond the church walls.
Christlike discipleship is never an accident. So, it is important that families, church, and mentors are working together in holy community.
Matt Friedeman
