The following is satire – get over it.
In a quasi-exclusive interview with MississippiPolitics.com, DA Faye Peterson and Attorney General Jim Hood sat down to talk about lessons learned from the People vs. Frank Melton, Round 1.
MP: Talk to me about what we’ve learned in how our judicial system in Hinds County in the People vs. Melton.
DA: Well, I’ve learned that everyone has just been sitting on their asses for the last six years. We got this prosecution done in 59 days. 59 DAYS! That’s incredible. I never knew we had it in us.
AG: To be fair, Faye, we did cut a few corners on this one. I mean, we did try to just scare him out of office before really interviewing any witnesses. And of course with the gag order and leaking to the media that there were ongoing plea deals in order to taint the jury pool. But overall, I agree with you. We did pretty good.
MP: I guess the question on everyone’s mind is, can you keep up this pace?
DA: Well, there are a lot of factors involved. I mean, not every defendant is someone we just personally hate like Frank, and you really can’t discount that.
AG: Absolutely, I can say from experience that when you hate someone as much as we hate Frank, it sure motivates you. Take the Governor for instance. I hate his GUTS. It really does make me want to really do whatever I can do to help embarass him and undercut the state as much as possible and as fast as possible, no matter the cost.
MP: I see. Talk about the media a bit.
DA: I have to say, the media’s been OK. That Donna Ladd sure is helpful. I mean, I don’t know what she has on her advertisers, but they sure seem to help her help us.
AG: Absolutely. I know a lot of real journalists are a little touchy when it comes to being subpoenaed as a witness. Hell, SHE VOLUNTEERED! That’s responsive media right there. Those Clarion Ledger types would hear none of it, but anything we need to leak, we know we can count on our friends at the JFP.
DA: And if we need a witness trashed or bolstered, we know that is there for the asking . . . and that’s important to have that kind of political support.
MP: Well, it certainly sounds like you two are working things out nicely. Anything else you want to add?
AG: Just one thing. I know that I said that any plea deal would involve Melton’s resignation, and I meant it at the time. But really, who’s gonna hold me to that?
DA: I don’t know about all that. But I do know that now that the standard of 59 days has been set, we will be asking the Hinds County Board of Supervisors for an additional budgetary item for a pizza fund as it looks like we will be working some late nights from here on out.